I’ve never been one for anniversaries – just ask any of my ex husbands. (audience laughter here, please)
Nor have I been one to observe annual memorials – at least not in the way many people do – visiting a gravesite, or sending a card on a specific day each year. I honor my loved ones and memories in other ways, but annual dates – whether I associate them as “bad” or “good” – don’t necessarily cause me anxiety, grief, suffering, or reason for celebration.
There is one date I’ve become particularly attached to however.
May 17th, 2016.
The day my life as I knew it fell apart. It was the best thing that could have happened to me because my life as I knew it was filled with craving for pills and alcohol, shame, dishonesty, fear and pain. I was given a chance to make myself whole again, and since that day I’ve been gathering the pieces of my life and inspecting them for damage; letting go of what no longer fits and gluing the rest back together.
Have you heard of Kintsukoroi?
More beautiful having been broken. Glued back together with gold.
Kintsukuroi, or kintsugi, is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The end result is gorgeous; the cracks in the dish glow with precious metal. The “broken” pieces unquestionably make the piece valuable.
May 17th is not the memorial of a tragedy, a day to mourn or shame myself for my failures.
May 17th is my Golden Anniversary – the day I was given an opportunity to become a Kintsukoroi creation, although I couldn’t have known it at the time.
On the night of May 16th, I’d walked in to work at the hospital, planning to spend a 12 hour shift there, as I had at least 3 nights a week for the last 11 years. Instead, a whirlwind of activity occurred, and after giving a urine sample to the Human Resources director, I was escorted from the property with the advice to basically “not call us, we’ll call you.”
That was a dark night, and I won’t soon forget the fear in my heart, lying awake, and alone, knowing there wasn’t a lie big enough to get me out of that one.
But morning came, and with it – the light. The twisted road of recovery lay before me, along with the hope that I could reconstruct my brokenness into something beautiful.
A year later, on May 17th, 2017 I wrote my first “recovery blog post.” You may remember reading it; likely open mouthed, shocked to learn that your family member/friend/co-worker is a substance abuse statistic.
Perhaps you weren’t shocked at all, but felt disappointed, sad, or empathetic. While I may be the “face” of addiction in this picture, I knw there are many more involved that are hurting, due to my actions. Blogging about my journey has been a significant part of the “golden glue”, working to repair the fractures in my relationships.
And now….May 17th, 2018.
Another year has passed and I have another opportunity to reflect on my transformation. I want to honor the broken pieces while looking forward and shaping myself into what I hope is a more empowered, beneficial family member, friend and citizen of humanity.
On this Golden Anniversary, I get to publicly announce my business:
Recover and Rise, LLC. Life and Recovery Coaching for Your Highest Wellbeing.
A year ago, the idea was born that I’d somehow use my experience to help others. I wasn’t even aware that recovery coaches existed, but came across this type of sobriety support while looking for my own recovery resources. Life and recovery coaching expressed exactly what I had envisioned, and since making the decision to become a dual certified coach, it’s been a seamless process. Not without challenges, but seamless in the sense I’ve felt in complete alignment with my soul, my vision and my values as I’ve moved forward in the process. I’ve been lit up with creativity, intuition and love in a way I’ve not felt before.
I’m also unbelievably blessed to be connected with She Recovers as a designated coach. More on my experiences with them in future blogs….These women are truly conquering the world with compassion and changing the face of recovery for the better.
As I’ve planned the upcoming website launch and celebration, I’ve been surprised by even more gifts of recovery…..and I’ll share them with you when I can! Hint: they involve my name and my writing elsewhere on the internet…..
Today also brought one thing that was less of a surprise. A “Random” urine drug test. Thanks for thinking of me guys!!! I’ve got 2 years completed in the nurse monitoring program. As the nurse who watched me pee today said “Another urine test down, another one closer to graduation.” She couldn’t be more right!!!
This is a day of celebration; an anniversary of falling in love with myself again.
For those of you that have followed me here-
THANK YOU!!! I LOVE YOU.
I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and humility. This blog is going to continue in this space, under it’s new name Scrubbed Clean. I hope you’ll continue to read and share to spread the message of love.
Please consider signing up for my newsletter, which will be available soon via my website. You’ll get alerts about new blog posts, special offers and lots of love and gratitude – but absolutely no extra B.S.!!! There’s also a “blog section” on the website which will have even more content that I hope is relatable and makes a difference in someone’s life.
Other places to stay current with happenings in my life and business are http://www.facebook.com/recoverandrise and @scrubbedcleanrn (ig) for sweet deals the next few days….giveaways and discounts!
And please, if you or someone you know is suffering with substances, ask for help. Whether it’s from me, another coach, or program of your choice. Everyone deserves sobriety and self love – no one deserves to suffer in shame.
You can now contact me at my new email firstname.lastname@example.org as well as schedule calls directly through my website!
Stay tuned blog family!!! You’ll be hearing a lot more from me!
Cheer and Gratitude,
Recover & Rise, LLC
7 thoughts on “Why May 17th Is My Golden Anniversay”
Tiffany, this was one of the best and emotionally filled posts I think I have ever read! Your journey has displayed so much courage and strength, that it blows me away! My mother has been a nurse for over 20 years and has battled addiction for longer than that. She has lost jobs and caused so much pain to those around her, mostly me if I am being honest. She still has her moments of weakness where she falls off the wagon again, normally pretty hard! I also married a man that is HIGHLY addicted to pain pills. I have been trying to help him and it is not easy at all. I am and have been the only one these two lean on and always need help from. It is painful and very lonely, but I keep fighting with them for recovery which I believe will happen in time. You are incredibly inspiring and I am beyond thankful to have found your blog. I am so happy that you are doing so well and healing the broken pieces. Thank you for sharing your journey! Sending you so much love, comfort and continued strength!
Wow. I’m really touched by this. It’s so humbling to hear you say that your mom was in the same situation as I am, and you have a spouse with addiction – you have every reason to be angry and hold resentment towards me. Yet you find compassion and motivation from me sharing about what I’ve done. I don’t know if you’ve ever gone to recovery meetings yourself, but alanon can be really helpful. I personally don’t promote 12 step meetings, but alanon has helped toward saving relationships, and saving the sanity of those who have addicts around them. Another great resource is the author Melody Beattie. I’m currently reading “codependent no more” by her, and she has daily devotional books and journals too. My best friends husband is an addict and actually so is my ex! We can all use the help of learning to love ourselves first, it’s the BEST thing we can do for those around us too. “Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.” Melody Beattie.
I hope you check out my website and facebook page. Soon the website will have a page for “resources” for those seeking help, including family members.
If you ever want to get on the phone and chat with me, let me know. Sending you love and light!
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Oh goodness I would never be angry with you nor have resentment towards you, you are doing an incredible job and helping SO many others along the way! I actually have read “codependent no more” and it is an amazing book that offers so much help. It really shed a lot of light on the situations I have been in and what I have allowed to happen. I will definitely check out your website and Facebook page! I really appreciate all your advice and support!
I’m also curious how you came across my blog, since you’ve been reading back since it was a wordpress.com personal blog?
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I wish I could remember. I know I followed when it was wordpress, so maybe it just continued somehow!
😊I remember you following back then… that’s what I was wondering, how you found it originally. To be honest I am still quite naive about blogging!! I’m just figuring it all out and I don’t read many other people’s (I have 4 Jobs, so no time) but do you also write? Is that why you’re on WordPress? If so I’d love to read and follow yours!!
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I am honestly still learning more each day about the blogging world. I understand not having much time, I only work one job while battling a chronic illness and always having other people’s issues I want to help them through. I write because I love to write and it honestly helps keep my head somewhat clear.